Joke: Need help?

Two Irishmen driving in Nevada saw a huge sign: “Need help, call Jesus - 1-800-005-3787.”

Out of curiosity one of them dialed that number. A Mexican showed up with a tow truck!

Joke: Neglect

Boss: “Who said that just because I kissed you at the company party, you could neglect to do your work around here?”

Secretary: “My lawyer!”

Joke: Bank withdrawal

This obnoxious lady went into a bank and announced, “I want to withdraw some money.”

The cashier said, “Can you identify yourself!”

The woman took out the mirror, looked at herself and said, “It’s me, all right!”

Joke: Is this my train?

This from India:..........
Lady: "Is this my train?"

Station Master: "No, it belongs to the Railway Company."

Lady: "I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi?"

Station Master: "No Madam, I’m afraid it’s too heavy!"

Joke: Post It

Postman: "I have to come five miles to deliver you this packet."

Farmer: "Why did you come so far? You could have posted it!"

Joke: Gather your belongings

Airline's announcement:
“As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses!”

Riddle: Facebook

Question: "What do Facebook employees do to waste their time at work?"

Joke: The Crime

A judge asked the accused: "So, did you commit the crime in the way I have just explained?"

The criminal replied: "Actually no, but I really like your idea!"

Joke: Getting Ideas

Two top managers were chatting over drinks:

First one: "I often get ideas when in bed. So I take a pen and note book to bed."

Second one: "Me too! That's why I take my secretary with me to bed!"

Joke: Library

In a New York cafe: 

Busy Indian waiter: "What would you like to eat sir?" 

British customer: "I need some time. I would prefer to read the menu first."

Busy Indian waiter: "If you want to read sir, please go to the library!"

Joke: I am your father!

The lawyer meets a lady at a dinner and she tells him: "I think you’re the father of one of my kids.”

He pleads: “Please don’t tell my wife, she’ll kill me!"

She calmly says: “Don’t worry! I am your son’s Math teacher!”

Joke: I Know You

Judge: “I know you, don't I?”

Defendant: “Yes.”

Judge: “All right, tell me, how do I know you?”

Defendant: “I am your bookie!”

Joke: Bonus !

Faced with hard times, the company offered a bonus of $1000.00 to any employee who could come up with a plan to save money. The bonus went to a young man in accounting who suggested limiting future bonuses to $100.00.

Joke: Hunter & Tiger ...

A hunter was boring his guests with tales of his safari. 

Pointing to a tiger rug, he related, "It was either him or me." 

One tired listen commented, "It was a good thing it was the tiger. You would've made a lousy rug!"

Joke: D.O.P.E.

The young executive was promoted to 'Director Of Product Efficiency'.
When he got his new business cards, the acronym read: 'DOPE'!.

Joke: POO Insured

The insurance industry has its own comical acronyms.
For "Proof of Ownership" a note was made in a client’s file that read: "Insured has 'POO' on damaged items."