Joke: Happiest Hour

Wife: "Do you remember when you proposed to me for marriage, I was so overwhelmed that I didn't talk for an hour?”

Husband: “Yes, honey, that was the happiest one hour of my life!”

Joke: The Archaeologist

"An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her!"

Joke: Female Dentist

"I like to see a woman dentist,” said the man. 

“Why?” asked his friend.

The man replied, "Because it would be a pleasure to have a woman say, 'open your mouth' instead of 'shut up'!"

Joke: Plastic Surgery

Patient: "What is the cost of plastic surgery?"

Doctor: "It is about $6,000."

Patient: "Well, what if I bring the plastic?"

Joke: Headache

Man: "Doctor! My wooden leg is giving me a headache!"

Doctor: "Why?"

Man: "Because my wife keeps hitting me on the head with it!"

Joke: The New Born

Husband: "Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?"

Doctor: "When the kid goes to college!"

Joke: Diet Change

Doctor interviewing a nurse: "What would you do in the case of a person who has eaten poisonous food?"

Nurse: "Recommend a change of diet!"

Joke: Juror Duty

Judge: "Is there any reason you could not serve as a juror in this case?"

Juror: "I don’t want to be away from my job that long." 

Judge: "Can’t they do without you at work?"

Juror: "Yes,they can but I don’t want them to know it!"

Joke: Holding Hands

A man tells his friend, “My wife and I, we are always holding hands.”

“Why do you do this?” asks his friend.

The man replies, “Because if I let go, she shops!"

Joke: Jealousy

Drunk: “Why did the supervisor fire you?” 

Drunkard: “Well, he is the one always sitting and watching the workers. He got jealous when people thought I was the supervisor just because I too sat and watched others working!”

Joke: Her Laugh

The hit-and-run victim exclaimed: “My mother-in-law just tried to run over me!”

A police officer asked “How could you tell it was your mother-in-law?”

Victim: “I recognized her laugh!”

Joke: The Consequences

An elderly gentleman was awaiting an operation that his son, a surgeon was about to perform.

He whispered to his son: “Do your best and just remember, that if I die, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife!”

Joke: The Gift !

Making a speech, the groom told his mother-in-law. “You've given me a gift,” he began, “a gift that..”

His mother-in-law continued: “That you cannot return!”

Joke: Diamond Ring

Girl: “In my dream, I saw you buying me a diamond ring.”

Boy: “I had the same dream too and I saw your dad paying the bill!”

Joke: BARK!

A mother and a baby mouse are walking along, when all of a sudden, a cat attacks them.

The mother mouse goes, “BARK!” and the cat runs away.

The mother mouse advices: “That's why it’s important to learn a foreign language!”

Joke: Face to face with a lion

Drunk: “I came face to face with a lion once. I was alone and without a gun.”

Friend: “My God! What did you then do?”

Drunk: “Oh this was at a zoo! I left him and went on to another cage!"

Joke: Our Dog

Teacher: "Your essay on “My Dog” is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy from him?"

Student: "No teacher, it’s about the same dog!"

Joke: Responsible Man

Girl: "I want a responsible man as my husband!"

A man replies: "Then it has to be me. Whenever anything goes wrong in my office, they say I'm responsible!"

Joke: Roman Rules

History teacher: "From where to where did the Romans rule?"

Student: "Sir, I think it's from page 15 to 18 in our history book!"

Joke: Coke Bottle

Lady: "Darling, years ago I had a figure like Coke bottle!"

Husband: "Yes you still do but the only difference is that earlier, it was a 300ml bottle and now it's a 1.5 liter bottle!"

Joke: 1000 letters

A riddle for juniors..............
Teacher: "Can you give a word that has more than 1000 letters in it?"

Student: "Post office!"

Joke: What's on the TV?

The husband and wife had a big fight.

The wife asked, "What's on the TV?"

The husband replied: "Dust!"

Joke: Heaven and Earth

During religious class a teacher asked: "Why do Gods stay up in heaven?"

A boy answered: "Because they are afraid of what they have created!"

Joke: The Tourist

An Italian tells a visitor to his country:
“You have to be careful in my country because we have bad cars and good wine, a dangerous combination!”

Joke: New Stuff ... Old Hits

Overheard in a pub:
“When my wife and I argue, we’re like a band in concert. We start with some new stuff and then we bring out the old hits!”

Joke: Relatives

Wife: "You hate my relatives!"

Husband: "Not true! In fact, I like your mother-in-law more than I like mine!"

Joke: Pocket Calculators

Salesman: "Would you like to buy a pocket calculator?"

Young boy: "No, thanks. I know how many pockets I have!"

Joke: Artists of the '60s

Some of the artists of the '60s are revising their hits with new lyrics:
Herman's Hermits; "Mrs. Brown, You've Got A Lovely Walker!"
The Bee Gees; "How Can You Mend A Broken Hip!"
Commodores; "Once, Twice, Three Times To The Bathroom!”

Joke: A Sleeping Begger

A sleeping beggar puts up a notice board in front of him:

"Please do not make noise by dropping coins. Offer notes!"

Joke: May I Talk To You?

A man asked a beautiful woman in a Hypermarket: "Would you mind if I talk to you for a few minutes?" 

She asked: "Why?" 

He answered: "Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears from somewhere!"