Joke: Is this my train?

This from India:..........
Lady: "Is this my train?"

Station Master: "No, it belongs to the Railway Company."

Lady: "I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi?"

Station Master: "No Madam, I’m afraid it’s too heavy!"

Joke: Interesting Story

Ladies, you want to hear an interesting story?

Send a message to your husband: "I know everything now! How could you?".

Joke: Lost in Translation

English subtitles from Hong Kong (Cantonese) movies:

1. “I'll burn you into a BBQ chicken!”

2.“Beat him out of recognizable shape!”

3. “I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out!”

Joke: BARK!

A mother and a baby mouse are walking along, when all of a sudden, a cat attacks them.

The mother mouse goes, “BARK!” and the cat runs away.

The mother mouse advices: “That's why it’s important to learn a foreign language!”

Joke: Ban Fluid

Shortly after the FAA announced the ban on fluids, a man was stopped by airport security because they found a bottle of water in one of his carry-on bags.

"Sorry," the officer told him, "but water is now considered a fluid!"

Joke: PRESS

At a news briefing, a female press reporter slapped a drunk. 

A man asked the drunk, "Why did she slap you?" 

He replied: "On her T-shirt over her chest, it was written 'PRESS', ...so I pressed!"

Joke: Business Card

Typically Chinese......A business card found in a letter box reads:

“Loo Roof Refairing. We specialise in refairing leaks!

If you are leaking, contact us!”

Joke: LOL

A girl thought 'LOL' meant 'Lots Of Love' so, she sent the following text to her boy friend:

"You are the only boy in my life, 'LOL'!"

Joke: Apple and Blackberries

Grandpa : "When I was your age all I got for my birthday was an apple and a few blackberries."
Grandchild: "What? You got a laptop and three phones!"

Joke: In a minute ...

The husband shouted upstairs to his wife," Hurry up or we'll be late!"
His wife replied in an angry tone: "Haven't I been telling you for the last hour that I'll be ready in a minute?"

Joke: Whisper

In church one day, the boy told his mother: “I have to piss.” 

The mother said: “Next time, say, ‘whisper’; we’ll understand” 

The next Sunday, the boy told his dad: “I have to whisper.” 

And the father said: “OK, whisper in my ear!”

Joke: Wrong Number

Customer: "I've been calling 700-1000 for two days and can't get through; can you help?" Operator: "Where did you get that number, sir?" Customer: "It's on the door of your business." Operator: "Sir, those are the hours that we are open!"

Joke: Innocent Miscommunication

The bus driver asked, "Is everyone aboard the bus?"
"No," shouted a young lady, "please wait until I get my clothes on."
Everyone turned their heads towards the door.
They saw a young woman wrestling a bag of laundry up the bus steps.