Joke: A Husband's complaint

One husband complained to another:
“You can’t imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife. She asks me a question; answers it herself and after that, she explains to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong!”

Joke: Wrong Finger

At a party, one woman said to another, “Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?”

The other replied, “Yes! I married the wrong man.”

Joke: Confident and Confidential

Son: "Dad whats the difference between confident and confidential?"

Dad: "You are my son. Of that I am confident. Your friend Timmy is also my son. That's confidential!"

Joke: Missing

One drunk tells another: "My best friend ran away with my wife. It's only been four days and I am already missing him!"

Joke: 'Red' Ferrari

Edna: "So what did you get your husband for his fiftieth birthday?"

Alice: "Oh, see that brand new 'red' Ferrari outside?"

Edna: "Wow!"

Alice: "Yes! I got the same exact color tie!"

Joke: I can't marry you

Young man: "I can’t marry you! My family is totally against it!"

Girl: "Who are they to stop you?"

Young man: "My wife and two kids!"

Joke: Stupid vs Ugly

Husband: “I don’t know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.”

Wife: "Well, God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!"

Joke: Marry the Enemy

From his death bed, the man told his wife, “After I die I want you to marry Joseph.”

The wife exclaimed: “But he is your worst enemy!”

The man replied: “Yes, I know! But I’ve suffered all these years; so let him suffer now!”

Joke: Holding Hands

Young man: "Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?"

Elderly man: "Its a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!"

Joke: Chair vs Table

Policeman: "Why did you hit your husband with a chair?”

Lady: “Because I couldn’t lift the table!"

Joke: Funeral Arrangements

Wife to Husband: “If I die, I want you to promise me, in the funeral procession, you’ll let my mother ride in the first car with you.”

Husband: “All right, but it will ruin my day!”

Joke: Like Father ...

"If it's true that girls are inclined to marry men like their fathers, then, it is understandable why mothers cry so much at weddings!"

Joke: Interesting Story

Ladies, you want to hear an interesting story?

Send a message to your husband: "I know everything now! How could you?".

Joke: Darling ...

Husband "Darling, do you hear me?"

Wife: "What happened, did you run out of toilet paper?"

Husband: "No, restart the router, please!"

Joke: I've seen that

Private investigator (P.I.): "I saw your wife with a unknown man going to a movie."

Husband: "Didn't you follow them?"

P.I.: "No! I had already seen that movie!"

Joke: Kiss that girl

Wife: “Every morning when our new neighbour leaves the house, he kisses the young wife goodbye and when he comes home, he gives her a hug. Why can’t you do that?”

Husband: “I do not know the girl yet!”

Joke: Married Women

Lady: “Why don’t you take your wife when you go out?”

Man: “I do not go out with married women!”

Joke: Thought that counts

Husband: “I saw a diamond ring and I 'thought' of buying it for you.”

Wife: “Then why did you not buy?”

Husband: “I heard the pastor say, ‘It is the 'thought' that counts'!"

Joke: Beat Up Your Father

Two boys are fighting and one boy tells the other, “My father can beat up your father!”

The second boy thinks for a while and the replies, “That may be possible, because sometimes, my mother beats him up too!”

Joke: Mother-in-law

A husband and wife stepped up to view the body of his mother-in-law. 

As he began to cry, his wife punched him and said: "Why are you crying, you never liked my mother anyway." 

He replied: "I thought I saw her move!"