Joke: The Crime

A judge asked the accused: "So, did you commit the crime in the way I have just explained?"

The criminal replied: "Actually no, but I really like your idea!"

Joke: Keep Stealing

The judge asks the accused, “Why do you keep stealing?” 

He replies, “Because I have no food and a place to stay.” 

The judge then says, “You poor man, I will give you a place to stay and free food – six months in jail!”

Joke: Her Laugh

The hit-and-run victim exclaimed: “My mother-in-law just tried to run over me!”

A police officer asked “How could you tell it was your mother-in-law?”

Victim: “I recognized her laugh!”

Joke: Ban Fluid

Shortly after the FAA announced the ban on fluids, a man was stopped by airport security because they found a bottle of water in one of his carry-on bags.

"Sorry," the officer told him, "but water is now considered a fluid!"

Joke: Call for backup!

A police recruit was asked during exam: 

"What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?" 

He quickly replied: "Call for backup!"

Joke: The System ...

Some teachers were touring the local court house.

The guide said: “As you can see there are many people that are involved in making this system work.” 

A prisoner nearby shouted: “And I’m the one who makes it all happen!”

Joke: The Stupid Thief ...

There was not enough evidence to convict him of a bank robbery. 

When the foreman announced, “Not guilty!” the he jumped to his feet and shouted, “Does that mean I get to keep all the cash?”

Joke: Last Request ...

The hardened criminal is sent to the electric chair. 

A pastor asks, “Do you have any last requests?” 

The criminal looks at him and says, “I am so scared; can you hold my hand!”

Joke: Miracles

A priest gets stopped for speeding.
The state trooper seeing an empty wine bottle on the car floor asks, "Have you been drinking?"
"Just water," says the priest.
The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"
The priest exclaims, "Good Lord! A miracle!"