Two Irishmen driving in Nevada saw a huge sign: “Need help, call Jesus - 1-800-005-3787.”
Out of curiosity one of them dialed that number. A Mexican showed up with a tow truck!
Wednesday, November 18, 2015
Tuesday, November 17, 2015
Joke: A Husband's complaint
One husband complained to another:
“You can’t imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife. She asks me a question; answers it herself and after that, she explains to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong!”
“You can’t imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife. She asks me a question; answers it herself and after that, she explains to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong!”
Monday, November 16, 2015
Joke: Shakespeare
Teacher: “Would Shakespeare be a great man if he were still alive today?”
Student: “Of course! He must be a great man, for so far nobody has lived to over 400 years!”
Student: “Of course! He must be a great man, for so far nobody has lived to over 400 years!”
Sunday, November 15, 2015
Joke: Wrong Finger
At a party, one woman said to another, “Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?”
The other replied, “Yes! I married the wrong man.”
The other replied, “Yes! I married the wrong man.”
Saturday, November 14, 2015
Joke: A Lady & a Gentleman
Lady: “Did you open the door for me because I am a lady?”
Man: “No, I did because I am a gentleman!”
Man: “No, I did because I am a gentleman!”
Friday, November 13, 2015
Joke: Tough World
A man tells his friend, “This is a tough world, so I’m teaching my boy to fight.”
Friend: “But suppose he comes up against someone much bigger than he is and is a fighter too?”
The man replies: “Oh! I’m teaching him how to run also!”
Friend: “But suppose he comes up against someone much bigger than he is and is a fighter too?”
The man replies: “Oh! I’m teaching him how to run also!”
Thursday, November 12, 2015
Joke: Neglect
Boss: “Who said that just because I kissed you at the company party, you could neglect to do your work around here?”
Secretary: “My lawyer!”
Secretary: “My lawyer!”
Wednesday, November 11, 2015
Joke: It's good
Teacher: "If you eat fish?"
Student: "It's good for my eyes."
Teacher: "If you don't eat fish?"
Student: "It's good for the fish!"
Student: "It's good for my eyes."
Teacher: "If you don't eat fish?"
Student: "It's good for the fish!"
Tuesday, November 10, 2015
Joke: Confident and Confidential
Son: "Dad whats the difference between confident and confidential?"
Dad: "You are my son. Of that I am confident. Your friend Timmy is also my son. That's confidential!"
Dad: "You are my son. Of that I am confident. Your friend Timmy is also my son. That's confidential!"
Monday, November 9, 2015
Joke: Missing
One drunk tells another: "My best friend ran away with my wife. It's only been four days and I am already missing him!"
Sunday, November 8, 2015
Joke: 'Red' Ferrari
Edna: "So what did you get your husband for his fiftieth birthday?"
Alice: "Oh, see that brand new 'red' Ferrari outside?"
Edna: "Wow!"
Alice: "Yes! I got the same exact color tie!"
Alice: "Oh, see that brand new 'red' Ferrari outside?"
Edna: "Wow!"
Alice: "Yes! I got the same exact color tie!"
Saturday, November 7, 2015
Joke: A long life
Doctor gravely: “If you want to enjoy a long life, each time you feel like a drink of liquor, eat an apple instead.”
Drunk: “Sorry Doc, But I couldn’t digest so many apples!”
Drunk: “Sorry Doc, But I couldn’t digest so many apples!”
Friday, November 6, 2015
Joke: Garden of Eden
A women’s lib speaker was addressing a large group and kept screaming, “Where would man be today if it were not for woman?”
From the back of the room came a voice, “He’d be in the Garden of Eden eating strawberries!”
From the back of the room came a voice, “He’d be in the Garden of Eden eating strawberries!”
Thursday, November 5, 2015
Joke: Bank withdrawal
This obnoxious lady went into a bank and announced, “I want to withdraw some money.”
The cashier said, “Can you identify yourself!”
The woman took out the mirror, looked at herself and said, “It’s me, all right!”
The cashier said, “Can you identify yourself!”
The woman took out the mirror, looked at herself and said, “It’s me, all right!”
Wednesday, November 4, 2015
Joke: Six vs Eight
So cute... Two young boys went to buy a pizza and the sales lady asked:
“Do you want it cut into six or eight pieces?”
One boy answered, “Six is fine. Eight will be too many for us!”
“Do you want it cut into six or eight pieces?”
One boy answered, “Six is fine. Eight will be too many for us!”
Tuesday, November 3, 2015
Joke: Bull Fish
Jerry: “I’ve eaten beef all my life and now I’m as strong as a bull.”
Paul: “That's funny!. I’ve eaten fish all my life and yet I can’t swim!”
Paul: “That's funny!. I’ve eaten fish all my life and yet I can’t swim!”
Monday, November 2, 2015
Joke: Is this my train?
This from India:..........
Lady: "Is this my train?"
Station Master: "No, it belongs to the Railway Company."
Lady: "I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi?"
Station Master: "No Madam, I’m afraid it’s too heavy!"
Lady: "Is this my train?"
Station Master: "No, it belongs to the Railway Company."
Lady: "I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi?"
Station Master: "No Madam, I’m afraid it’s too heavy!"
Sunday, November 1, 2015
Joke: I can't marry you
Young man: "I can’t marry you! My family is totally against it!"
Girl: "Who are they to stop you?"
Young man: "My wife and two kids!"
Girl: "Who are they to stop you?"
Young man: "My wife and two kids!"
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