Joke: Naughty kid

This lady sends her only son to a private school.

She then tells the class teacher, “If my son is naughty, don’t punish him. Instead punish the child next to him and he will get the message!”

Joke: Twenty one plus

A lady when asked her age always replies, “Twenty one plus!”

Someone keeps inquiring, “Twenty one plus…..what?”

She angrily snaps back, “Twenty one plus 240 months!”

Joke: You Love Me

So cute......

Young girl: "Say 'you love me'! 'You love me'!"

Young boy: "You love me!"

Joke: Like A Newspaper

Wife: "I wish I was a newspaper, so I'd be in your hands all day."

Husband: "I too wish that you were a newspaper, so I could have a new one everyday!"

Joke: Sleeping Pills

Doc: "Madam, your husband needs rest and peace; here are some sleeping pills"

Wife: "When must I give them to him?"

Doc: "They are for you!"

Joke: Moses in the desert

Sunday school teacher: "Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years?"

Student: "Because he was too stubborn to stop and ask for directions!"

Joke: Spare Parts

The supervisor in an auto mechanic shop, was on waiting list for a heart transplant.

One day the phone rang and the receptionist answered.

It was the hospital with good news.

“Sam,” she yelled. “Your spare parts are in!”

Joke: Golf & Wedding

When the bride came down the aisle, the groom was waiting with his golf bag and clubs.

She asks, “Why did you bring your golf clubs to the wedding?”

He replies, “You don’t mean to tell me that this is gonna take all day!"

Joke: Stereotyping

At a international dinner, an American asked a Chinese guest, '’Likee soupee; likee meatee?"

After the dinner the Chinese gentleman delivered a speech in impeccable English.

He then asked the American, '’Likee speechee?'’

Joke: Lost in Translation

English subtitles from Hong Kong (Cantonese) movies:

1. “I'll burn you into a BBQ chicken!”

2.“Beat him out of recognizable shape!”

3. “I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out!”

Joke: Notify who?

This elderly lady goes to the hospital for an operation.

A nurse asks her, "In case of you are very sick, whom should we notify?"

The lady replied, "If I become very sick, notify a doctor!"

Inspiration: Love Is Blind

So cute…..

Boy: “Do you know why love is blind?”

Girl: “Love is blind because our mothers start to love us even before seeing our face!”

Joke: Nice Time vs Good Girl

Mother to a daughter, going to a party, "Have a nice time and be a good girl"

Daughter: "Oh mother! Make up your mind. What do you want it to be?"

Joke: The Broom

The drunk came home late after a night out and found his wife waiting with broom. 

He asked her: “Are you still sweeping or going flying on the broom!”

That’s when she began to hit him!

Joke: The Chase

Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

It's just like when dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving!

Joke: Pocket Money

Wife: "I think our daughter is in love with someone."

Husband: "How do you know?"

Wife: "Because she is not asking for pocket money these days!"

Joke: The Silent Language

From ASH- Association of Sensitive Husbands..........

Silence is a language, too!

So if you don't hear anything from your wife, it doesn't mean you are safe!

Inspiration: See The World

"Climb mountains not so the world can see you. But so you can see the world!"

Joke: The Andes

Father: "Why did you have to stay after school?"

Son: "I funked a test. I don't know where Andes were."

Father: "Well, next time remember where you put your things!'

Joke: Worker Ants

The teacher: “Worker ants can carry pieces of food five times their own weight. What do you conclude from that?”

The clever student: “That they don’t have a union!”

Joke: School Motto

The principal was very proud of his school’s academic record.

Asked how he maintained such high standards, he said: “The school motto!”

A parent asked: "And what's that?" 

He replied: “If at first you don’t succeed, you’re expelled!”

Joke: Comb

Teacher: “Why don't you comb your hair?”

Student: “No comb, Sir.”

Teacher:“Why not use your dad’s then?”

Student: “No hair, Sir!”

Joke: Inferiority Complex in the Army

The private went to the army psychiatrist and complained: “I have an inferiority complex.” 

The psychiatrist told him: “In the Army, privates don’t have an inferiority complex… they’re just inferior!”

Joke: Three months

Drunk: "I haven’t spoken to my wife for three months.”

Drunkard:“Three months! How come?”

Drunk: “Well, it seems rude to interrupt her!”

Joke: Getting Married

Two men are talking. 

One says: “I got married because I was tired of eating out, cleaning the house, doing the laundry and wearing shabby clothes.” 

The other exclaims: “I just got divorced for the very same reasons!”

Joke: Dish Washer

Lady: "What do use for washing dishes?"

Friend: "Oh, I have found my husband's the best for washing dishes!"

Joke: Falling in love

Women fall in love by what they hear and men fall in love by what they see. 

And that's why men tell lies and women put on make-up!

Joke: Women have a passion for mathematics!

Women have a passion for mathematics!

They divide their age in half; 

double the price of their clothes and 

always add at least five years to the age of their best friend!

Joke: Heated

From ASH-Association of Sensitive Husbands:

"Heated gold is called ornament.

Beaten copper is called wire.

Compressed carbon is called diamond.

But heated, beaten and compressed person Is called husband!"

Joke: Environmental Day

The best 'Environmental Day' slogan by a young male student:

"Save Earth, this is the only planet with girls!"

Joke: Cold Weather

Two little boys are talking about the cold weather.

Smith: "In my town, it so cold that we have to use at least thirty blankets!"

Johnny: "In my place, it gets so cold that the cows give ice cream instead of milk!"