Wife: "Do you remember when you proposed to me for marriage, I was so overwhelmed that I didn't talk for an hour?”
Husband: “Yes, honey, that was the happiest one hour of my life!”
Friday, July 31, 2015
Thursday, July 30, 2015
Joke: The Archaeologist
"An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her!"
Wednesday, July 29, 2015
Joke: Female Dentist
"I like to see a woman dentist,” said the man.
“Why?” asked his friend.
The man replied, "Because it would be a pleasure to have a woman say, 'open your mouth' instead of 'shut up'!"
The man replied, "Because it would be a pleasure to have a woman say, 'open your mouth' instead of 'shut up'!"
Tuesday, July 28, 2015
Joke: Plastic Surgery
Patient: "What is the cost of plastic surgery?"
Doctor: "It is about $6,000."
Patient: "Well, what if I bring the plastic?"
Doctor: "It is about $6,000."
Patient: "Well, what if I bring the plastic?"
Monday, July 27, 2015
Joke: Headache
Man: "Doctor! My wooden leg is giving me a headache!"
Doctor: "Why?"
Man: "Because my wife keeps hitting me on the head with it!"
Doctor: "Why?"
Man: "Because my wife keeps hitting me on the head with it!"
Sunday, July 26, 2015
Joke: The New Born
Husband: "Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?"
Doctor: "When the kid goes to college!"
Doctor: "When the kid goes to college!"
Saturday, July 25, 2015
Joke: Diet Change
Doctor interviewing a nurse: "What would you do in the case of a person who has eaten poisonous food?"
Nurse: "Recommend a change of diet!"
Nurse: "Recommend a change of diet!"
Friday, July 24, 2015
Joke: Juror Duty
Judge: "Is there any reason you could not serve as a juror in this case?"
Juror: "I don’t want to be away from my job that long."
Juror: "I don’t want to be away from my job that long."
Judge: "Can’t they do without you at work?"
Juror: "Yes,they can but I don’t want them to know it!"
Juror: "Yes,they can but I don’t want them to know it!"
Wednesday, July 22, 2015
Joke: Holding Hands
A man tells his friend, “My wife and I, we are always holding hands.”
“Why do you do this?” asks his friend.
The man replies, “Because if I let go, she shops!"
“Why do you do this?” asks his friend.
The man replies, “Because if I let go, she shops!"
Tuesday, July 21, 2015
Joke: Jealousy
Drunk: “Why did the supervisor fire you?”
Drunkard: “Well, he is the one always sitting and watching the workers. He got jealous when people thought I was the supervisor just because I too sat and watched others working!”
Monday, July 20, 2015
Joke: Her Laugh
The hit-and-run victim exclaimed: “My mother-in-law just tried to run over me!”
A police officer asked “How could you tell it was your mother-in-law?”
Victim: “I recognized her laugh!”
A police officer asked “How could you tell it was your mother-in-law?”
Victim: “I recognized her laugh!”
Sunday, July 19, 2015
Joke: The Consequences
An elderly gentleman was awaiting an operation that his son, a surgeon was about to perform.
He whispered to his son: “Do your best and just remember, that if I die, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife!”
He whispered to his son: “Do your best and just remember, that if I die, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife!”
Saturday, July 18, 2015
Joke: The Gift !
Making a speech, the groom told his mother-in-law. “You've given me a gift,” he began, “a gift that..”
His mother-in-law continued: “That you cannot return!”
His mother-in-law continued: “That you cannot return!”
Friday, July 17, 2015
Joke: Diamond Ring
Girl: “In my dream, I saw you buying me a diamond ring.”
Boy: “I had the same dream too and I saw your dad paying the bill!”
Boy: “I had the same dream too and I saw your dad paying the bill!”
Thursday, July 16, 2015
Joke: BARK!
A mother and a baby mouse are walking along, when all of a sudden, a cat attacks them.
The mother mouse goes, “BARK!” and the cat runs away.
The mother mouse goes, “BARK!” and the cat runs away.
The mother mouse advices: “That's why it’s important to learn a foreign language!”
Wednesday, July 15, 2015
Joke: Face to face with a lion
Drunk: “I came face to face with a lion once. I was alone and without a gun.”
Friend: “My God! What did you then do?”
Drunk: “Oh this was at a zoo! I left him and went on to another cage!"
Friend: “My God! What did you then do?”
Drunk: “Oh this was at a zoo! I left him and went on to another cage!"
Tuesday, July 14, 2015
Joke: Our Dog
Teacher: "Your essay on “My Dog” is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy from him?"
Student: "No teacher, it’s about the same dog!"
Student: "No teacher, it’s about the same dog!"
Monday, July 13, 2015
Joke: Responsible Man
Girl: "I want a responsible man as my husband!"
A man replies: "Then it has to be me. Whenever anything goes wrong in my office, they say I'm responsible!"
A man replies: "Then it has to be me. Whenever anything goes wrong in my office, they say I'm responsible!"
Sunday, July 12, 2015
Joke: Roman Rules
History teacher: "From where to where did the Romans rule?"
Student: "Sir, I think it's from page 15 to 18 in our history book!"
Student: "Sir, I think it's from page 15 to 18 in our history book!"
Saturday, July 11, 2015
Joke: Coke Bottle
Lady: "Darling, years ago I had a figure like Coke bottle!"
Husband: "Yes you still do but the only difference is that earlier, it was a 300ml bottle and now it's a 1.5 liter bottle!"
Husband: "Yes you still do but the only difference is that earlier, it was a 300ml bottle and now it's a 1.5 liter bottle!"
Friday, July 10, 2015
Joke: 1000 letters
A riddle for juniors..............
Teacher: "Can you give a word that has more than 1000 letters in it?"
Student: "Post office!"
Teacher: "Can you give a word that has more than 1000 letters in it?"
Student: "Post office!"
Thursday, July 9, 2015
Joke: What's on the TV?
The husband and wife had a big fight.
The wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
The wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
The husband replied: "Dust!"
Wednesday, July 8, 2015
Joke: Heaven and Earth
During religious class a teacher asked: "Why do Gods stay up in heaven?"
A boy answered: "Because they are afraid of what they have created!"
A boy answered: "Because they are afraid of what they have created!"
Tuesday, July 7, 2015
Joke: The Tourist
An Italian tells a visitor to his country:
“You have to be careful in my country because we have bad cars and good wine, a dangerous combination!”
“You have to be careful in my country because we have bad cars and good wine, a dangerous combination!”
Monday, July 6, 2015
Joke: New Stuff ... Old Hits
Overheard in a pub:
“When my wife and I argue, we’re like a band in concert. We start with some new stuff and then we bring out the old hits!”
“When my wife and I argue, we’re like a band in concert. We start with some new stuff and then we bring out the old hits!”
Sunday, July 5, 2015
Joke: Relatives
Wife: "You hate my relatives!"
Husband: "Not true! In fact, I like your mother-in-law more than I like mine!"
Husband: "Not true! In fact, I like your mother-in-law more than I like mine!"
Saturday, July 4, 2015
Joke: Pocket Calculators
Salesman: "Would you like to buy a pocket calculator?"
Young boy: "No, thanks. I know how many pockets I have!"
Friday, July 3, 2015
Joke: Artists of the '60s
Some of the artists of the '60s are revising their hits with new lyrics:
Herman's Hermits; "Mrs. Brown, You've Got A Lovely Walker!"
The Bee Gees; "How Can You Mend A Broken Hip!"
Commodores; "Once, Twice, Three Times To The Bathroom!”
Herman's Hermits; "Mrs. Brown, You've Got A Lovely Walker!"
The Bee Gees; "How Can You Mend A Broken Hip!"
Commodores; "Once, Twice, Three Times To The Bathroom!”
Thursday, July 2, 2015
Joke: A Sleeping Begger
A sleeping beggar puts up a notice board in front of him:
"Please do not make noise by dropping coins. Offer notes!"
"Please do not make noise by dropping coins. Offer notes!"
Wednesday, July 1, 2015
Joke: May I Talk To You?
A man asked a beautiful woman in a Hypermarket: "Would you mind if I talk to you for a few minutes?"
She asked: "Why?"
He answered: "Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears from somewhere!"
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