Joke: Adult Joke?

A child asked his father: "What is a adult joke?"

The father replied: "That'a a joke which has been around for eighteen years!"

Joke: So Perfect

One young man tells another:

"My girl and me, we are so perfect! She loves me and I love myself too!"

Joke: Changed My Mind

Boy and girl after a quarrel:

Girl: "I have changed my mind."

Boy: "Thank God! Does the new one work?"

Joke: Report Card

A teenage boy told his father: 

"Here’s my report card and a list I've made of entrepreneurs who never finished their High School!"

Joke: Lifebuoy

Joke for juniors.......

Q: Which boy has the permission to get into girls’ bathroom?

A. A Lifebuoy.

Joke: It isn't heavy

Boy: "May I hold your hand?"

Girl: "No thanks, it isn't heavy!"

Joke: Thanks for the warning!

A girl says to her boyfriend, "One kiss and I'll be yours forever."

The guy replies: "Thanks for the warning!"

Joke: I have a one more

Two terrorists were fixing a bomb in a car.

One said: "What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing?"

The other replied: "Don’t worry, I have a one more!"

Joke: Best Seller

Teacher: "What should be in a book to make it a best seller?"

Andrew: "A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl"

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO ALL MOTHERS!

One morning, a son asked this father: “Why are you making Mummy breakfast? Is she sick?” 

The father replied: “No, because it’s Mother’s Day.”

“Oh,” said the son, “then, is every other day Father’s Day?”

Joke: Exercise

"Are the slimming exercises doing you any good?" a man asked his beer-bellied friend, "Can you touch your toes now?"

"No, I can't touch them," the other replied, "but now I can see them!"

Joke: Neighbour

A little boy opens the door and looks at his sister's boy friend and asks innocently, "Every day you come to meet my sister, don't you have your own sister?"

Joke: Excuse me! My face is above!

Written on the front of T-shirt worn by a “well endowed” girl:

“Excuse me! My face is above!"

Joke: A few words

A man muttered a few words in church and found himself married.

Two years later, he a muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced!

Joke: Marriage License

A question from ASH-Association of Sensitive Husbands: 

"Instead of divorces, why isn't there a marriage license that can be renewed yearly!"

Joke: Amazing Watch

Drunk: "I've got an amazing watch. It cost me only 50 cents!"

Friend: "What's so amazing?"

Drunk: "Every time I look at it, I'm amazed it's still working!"

Joke: Ban Fluid

Shortly after the FAA announced the ban on fluids, a man was stopped by airport security because they found a bottle of water in one of his carry-on bags.

"Sorry," the officer told him, "but water is now considered a fluid!"

Joke: PRESS

At a news briefing, a female press reporter slapped a drunk. 

A man asked the drunk, "Why did she slap you?" 

He replied: "On her T-shirt over her chest, it was written 'PRESS', ...so I pressed!"

Joke: Business Card

Typically Chinese......A business card found in a letter box reads:

“Loo Roof Refairing. We specialise in refairing leaks!

If you are leaking, contact us!”

Joke: Types of Therapy

The elderly couple was at the physiotherapist’s office. He was staring at the young women passing by. He turned around and caught his wife looking at him. He smiled and said, "I'm having visual therapy!"

Joke: Type of Man

From ASH-Association of Sensitive Husbands.........

Man before marriage: "SUPERMAN" After marriage: "GENTLEMAN"

After ten years: "WATCHMAN" After twenty years: "DOBERMAN!"

Joke: Labour Day

Teacher: "Who do we remember on 'Labour Day'?"

Student: "On that day, we remember mothers who are in labour!"

Joke: Call for backup!

A police recruit was asked during exam: 

"What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?" 

He quickly replied: "Call for backup!"

Joke: Sound Advice

Overheard at a women's forum:

Always listen to husbands; they gives sound advice:

"99% Sound & 1% Advice!"

Joke: Do you think I am fat?

Girl: "Do you think I am fat?"

Boy: "No! You have just become my 'Teddy Bear from being a 'Barbie doll'!"

Joke: Tight Clothing

Medical Science says: "Tight clothing slows the blood circulation"

But sometimes: "The tighter a girl's clothing, the faster the blood circulation of man!"

Joke: LOL

A girl thought 'LOL' meant 'Lots Of Love' so, she sent the following text to her boy friend:

"You are the only boy in my life, 'LOL'!"

Joke: Ladies' Make Up

From ASH- Association of Sensitive Husbands:

"To all the ladies who wear a lot of make-up! Take it easy, it's a face and not a coloring book!"

Inspiration: Open & Close

The dictionary says that 'Open' and 'Close' are opposites.

But the lessons of life teach us that we are only 'Open' to those with whom we are 'Close'!

Joke: Minds

A boy send the following SMS to a girl:

"Galileo: Great mind!
Einstein: Genius mind!
Newton: Extraordinary mind!
You: Always in my mind!"

Riddle: Fish and Money

A riddle for the kids:

Q) Where does a fish keep it's money?

A) In the river bank!